One Week....

Good arvo, dear readers.
Unfortunately for me, I seem to have totally lost it. I promised in my last post that I would not use an EPT. It has been one week and one day since IUI #1 and I have kept my promise. BUT the desire to actually use one is sooo strong. I can barely control it. It's like a zit you're dying to pop but shouldn't. A scab that you're desperate to pick. I haven't used the most obvious metaphor, but you get the picture!
The other reason I have lost it is this. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the 2ww leading up to me being pregnant with DD and I remembered that I had the worst flu EVER during that time! The first two days or so, the fever was constant and could only be brought down by the maximum dose of paracetemol possible. I was shaking, faint, and had an entire week off work. All I could do was slob in front of the TV. As you can probably guess, I was so sick that I held little hope I would actually get my BFP. I thought all that sick and piles of medication would be enough to halt any possible conception in its tracks.
This led me to decide that the reason I actually got pregnant with her was all that lying around and lying down. So I've now banned myself from any strenuous excercise, which does not bode well for my mental state. The day of the IUI, a great deal of time was also spent resting.
Anyway, I know all this thinking is leading absolutely nowhere. Yes, before you tell me, I know that lying down or resting is not going to help this work! The real reason why that conception was succesful, I will probably never know. But I do know that the health issues which are causing our infertility now, weren't that bad back then. Some of DH's issues didn't even exist at all! None of this reminiscing is getting me anywhere, but I guess I'm trying to let you all know what's going through my mind and how I'm getting through my 2ww. A blast from the past is better than obsessing about every little symptom. Did I mention I now have 2 new zits? I'm trying to convince myself they are not postcards from AF heralding her arrival.
On a side note, I am currently reading Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. You might have heard of it, my current assessment is that it's an interesting and entertaining read. Something different from my usual taste, although I have read the original classic before. I haven't finished it, but it's a bit of fun.
If you made it this far-you are awesome!

Awards and such...

BrownIris from the infertilitydiaries (you sweetie, you!) gave me this award a l'il while ago:
Thankyou!!!




The instructions that go along with this award are as follows:* Thank the person who nominated you for this award.* Copy the award and place it in your blog.* Link the person who nominated you for this award.* Tell us 7 interesting things about you.* Nominate 7 bloggers.* Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

My 7 interesting things:
1. I love, love, love the combination of chocolate+mint. In bikkies, chocolate, ice cream....you name it!
2. I think Hank Azaria, who voices the Simpsons characters like Moe and Apu, is gorgeous. (Might post a pic of his hunkiness soon)
3. I am obsessed with the Muppet Christmas Carol and watch it every Xmas. Without fail.
4. When I was a teen I loved the Beatles and the Backstreet Boys. Weird combination, I know!
5. I love cats but have never owned one as a pet. Once, I cared for my neighbour's cat while he was away and accidentally shut her in my car overnight. She was fine though! So was the car...she just slept in it!
6. My idea of a dream vacation is to go somewhere and do nothing...like just lie around in the shade reading all day. I am not an 'active adventure' holiday sort of person!
7. I can't stand cold weather unless I have heaps of comfy sweats, long sleeved tops, blankets, warm socks and boots or slippers to shield me from it. Every year I add more 'warm stuff' to my stash so that I never run out!!

the 7 bloggers I nominate:

Rach at thegalwho
Meim at Tears are for Babies
Jin at TeamJinfred
Missy at Scarlet Baby
Kansas at We're not in Kansas Anymore
Leslie at the Journey through Life
Wifey at semi-fertile


AFM- I am just hanging on in there, trying not to obsess over my CM. I decided to spare you guys a post about that, not 'cos it's TMI (although it is!) but because I just don't want to think about every little symptom in this 2ww. I just want to be happy, focus on caring for myself and just...be. Does that sound weird? Also a quick heads up to all my bloggy pals-our internet is going a bit weird so if I'm not commenting, that's why!!
I'm going to do a post with some pics of things around my house soon to add some colour to this place. Over and out!

I have sperm in my uterus.....

Hello & welcome! IUI # 1 has just gone down. (TMI ahead-just a warning!) Sperm collection took place at home (and no, those of you with dirty minds, I'm not telling the collection method!), got to the fertility clinic and turned it in for washing. Then off for a blood test which happily, was quick and painless. I hate having blood tests in the morning, 'cos if I'm dehydrated....they don't work. I sat in the waiting room for about 40 mins after that reading Pirate Latitudes. Interesting book, but I haven't finished it yet, best thing about the book is there is little to no risk of reading about anything pregnancy related. It's just not that type of book! Also, there are few female characters! Can I tell you all something, with all the women and couples coming in and out of that clinic this morning, it did give me some food for thought. Of course being part of this amazing blogosphere has already taught me this. But I just sat there and couldn't help thinking how incredibly far-reaching infertility is. There were some many women of various ages and from different ethnic backgrounds. Only one brought a toddler with her (who cried when Mummy went in the big room for a blood test). Some were dressed for work and anxious to get away (it can take an hour for the washing on busy days, luckily I was there pretty early.) Others were dressed more like me-comfy, casual clothes.
I tried not to stare though and I also tried not to read the looks in the other people's faces. I just could not allow myself to connect to their pain today. I needed to shield myself a little. Finally it was my turn, the lady in the white lab coat came out and asked for DH's name and DOB. Then it was stick-the-vial-down-my-bra time! Yes, this helps bring the sperm back to body temperature, which they need to be prior to insertion. YAY! Up to doctor's rooms (they are in the same building), waited for about 5 mins (one of the reasons I go there) then went straight in and had it done. Discussed the results of the washing (I didn't get the numbers, but they were good according to Doctor). The procedure itself was uncomfortable, but not painful, and just over and done with like that. This might surprise a few of you guys, but the doctor didn't have my blood test results yet, so we don't know for sure that I ovulated today. I appreciate all of the advice that I have received and yes, I do have OPK's at home, but I didn't use them as they never give me a definite positive result. You know, I never get two dark lines?? I didn't want to obsess about it and just make myself feel worse. Basically, I went ahead anyway as I was already there and didn't want to wait all day for my bloods. I've read that the first IUI is a bit like a test run and this definitely felt like that. Still, it could work. Who knows? The chances are better than us trying on our own, which is an improvement. If there is a next cycle-so no BFP this month-then we will do things differently. Doctor and I already discussed that a little bit. We may do a trigger, also he offered that we can do two inseminations in the one cycle, which could be helpful. The dreaded topic also came up:
Doctor : "So if you are pregnant, just come in and see me at about 7 weeks."
Me: "Will that be early enough to catch an ectopic in time...?"
Doctor: "Yes, we can just treat it with methotrexate if that happens."
Oh, crap. That is the last thing I want. If-and I know I can't worry about this yet-another ectopic happens, I'm going to think seriously about the doctor just taking the whole tube. I can't have the methotrexate again. Seriously.
Well, I'm not trying to catastrophize. Just want you guys to know what I'm thinking and feeling. Thank you all for your kind, supportive comments. Also a special thankyou for my blog award-which I will get to shortly, my lovely!
I spent the rest of today just resting, which will probably not affect the outcome at all. BD'ing on our own will still continue this month-'cos why not, it's fun! Also, I won't be using an EPT. I am going to wait the full two weeks. I can't stand the thought of a faint BFP.
If you're still reading, thankyou! You are an awesome bloggy friend who rocks :)
Now, to distract myself.....perhaps it is time to stare deeply into the eyes of Johnny Depp (whose likeness currently resides on my wall.)

There is more to tell...

Here is the low-down, lovely readers of mine: IUI #1 set to take place this coming Monday!
So, I went to the OB today and asked some questions, didn't get a huge amount of info, but enough that there is still stuff to report.
Firstly we looked at the SA results, since I haven't talked it over with him yet. I'd brought my own copy which I had the GP print out for me. He looked at it, highlighted two parts, then passed it back to me. Apparently, both GP and I had missed something, well I didn't really know how to read the report anyway. I'd understood there was a morphology issue due to the 'summary' section at the end of the report. My OB let me know that there is also a motility issue. DH's motility is 10%, OB wants it to be 20%. He was also concerned about the 9% morphology. DH has to take Menevit-which he is already on due to my being 'proactive', this is a supplement which should hopefully raise these numbers.
We talked a bit about the risk of another ectopic. As far as I understand, the sperm for this IUI are being placed directly in the uterus. I told him given my history, I am really worried about another ectopic. Doc seems fairly confident that the chances of it happening again are fairly low-about 1 in 250. So that's that! He pointed out that conception has to happen in the tube, which I wasn't aware of!
Lastly-looks like ovulation is nigh. Lining of uterus is thick and I had a follie from the left ovary (silly me, I forgot to ask the size) but it looked almost ready to go according to doc, this worries me a little bit. Okay, I'm certain I will know when I ovulate as I have been tracking CM. If I ovulate over the weekend, is it still going to be good timing for the IUI? Like, how long after O can IUI be done and still work? This is the one thing I don't know. I'm not having it tomorrow, as I have no-one to watch little DD. That was the other option, doc was talking about triggering me today so I would O tomorrow, but it's not possible for me right now. So I will be going in Monday am, taking DH's sperm with me (in my handbag, no less) and hoping for the best. PLEASE keep your fingers crossed for me that my body doesn't betray me and ovulate tomorrow (Fri). On the medication issue, doc says, pretty much what some of the other commenters did on my earlier post. That is, if it's happening naturally that is a good thing and there is no need for the meds. With what looks like mostly MF problems now, I'm fairly convinced on this one as well. Also, I don't want to take anything yet as I am soooo scared of side effects. I react to like, practically anything I ever take.
Thanks a bunch if you have gotten this far....I am feeling fairly anxious about the whole thing and just not feeling hopeful at all. I'm not sure what we'll do if it's another BFN. Anniversary of ectopic is coming up really soon which is bothering me too. I'm trying not think too far ahead...but please keep me in your thoughts right now, I could use some positive energy!
Good night dear readers :)

Thankyou!!

Hey everyone!
This will have to be quick cos it's late and I am super tired. I just wanted to state publicly how grateful I am for all the comments that have been pouring in over the last few days! I have got a lot more info now and I have a better idea about what questions to ask my darling doctor.
My biggest thing is to make sure I know where the sperm will be placed. I want to be sure they will be placed in the uterus if possible. I understand there can be different insertion points from some of your comments, so I want to be sure of where the stuff is going. Even though I know regardless of insertion point, an ectopic could still happen. I had a mini-meltdown today and that is a post for a different time, but suffice to say that the possibility of another ectopic is no longer lurking in the back of my mind. It's more like a really annoying blinking light I can't turn off. I know the risk is still there, but the fact that the pelvic adhesions where fixed during my lap, hopefully makes the possibility less likely. We also know for sure that dye goes straight through the tubes. (HSG was done during the lap). I've decided I'm still going to go forward with the cycle and just see how it goes. Ultimately, at this stage we could just TTC on our own for a bit longer. I know an unmedicated IUI isn't going to make the hugest difference. But I've been through so much already, I feel like I really need to try this. I just don't think we are going to get there on our own.

Questions & Answers

Hey dear readers and lovely visitors from ICLW!
I need your help. I hope you'll indulge me on this one. Basically, this thurs I am heading back to the OB for my appointment before the IUI. I will be on CD9. At this stage, I don't know a lot, but I know we'll be discussing DH's SA results and the timing of the IUI. My question is this. Lovely Saige, my blogging buddy, has pointed out that there is not a lot of point having a non-medicated IUI. The reason why we are having it, as far as I understand, is my pelvic adhesions. Although they were previously fixed by my lap in June of '09, doctor believes this could still be affecting us getting pregnant. So we are basically bypassing the tubes altogether of course, which should help us...but may also do sweet bugger all to fix the issue. So.....firstly I would love your opinions. Is there little point here? Should we cancel and save the money or insist on a medicated cycle? Also could you please suggest any questions I could ask my doctor about the IUI.
Issue # 2. I posted in my blurb for all you visitors that we found out DH has reduced motility. Well, it's actually morphology. I got the results from our family GP who ordered the test and he only glanced at it quickly when we spoke on the phone. Later I went in and asked for a written copy, and immediately noticed his mistake. No big. Not angry at my GP about it, he is a kind doctor who was rushed when we'd spoken previously. Anyway, this is the other concern I have. Can IUI even help at all with morphology issues? DH's morphology is 9%. This still seems to be a good result from what I can see on the test, as the parameter for totally normal is 15%. So it's not as if it is way down to nearly nothing.
Okay guys, I'm going to stop here. If you could just leave me any suggestions at all in your comments, I would really appreciate it. I've got some of my own ideas, but I'd love some help making sure I ask the right questions.... cos ultimately it will affect the outcome of this cycle.

Hey there ICLW'ers!

Hi! If you're here from ICLW, welcome to AnxiousMummy! Thanks for taking the time to stop by. I'm a mum who has experienced two losses, pregnancy complications, an emergency c-section and now I'm adding infertility to the list. I have endometriosis which caused pelvic adhesion. We've also just found out that DH has reduced motility. This month we are having our first IUI. Our plan is not to have many IUI's, just a few and then possibly move onto IVF. It's all huge and scary right now but I desperately want one more baby. If you've ever felt like this, you've come to the right place.